Friday, February 01, 2008


When I'm sick with the stomach stuff, there's one absolute everyone here in Jenworld can count on: I will scrub the hell out of my house afterward.

I can spend a solid twelve hours communing with the throne in the master bathroom, absolutely retching my guts inside out, and I can guaran-damn-tee that on the thirteenth hour I will rise like Lazarus from the dead and head for my cleaning supplies. I might still be trembling and weak, but by Xenu I will spend hours scrubbing the confines of Jenworld as if it had formerly been a group home for lepers.

When I'm done, everything will be sanitized within an inch of its life and ready for the next sick person. Because if I fell victim to a stomach bug, then it must be a super germ, and clearly the rest of my family will fall like dominoes, one right after the other.

And I have to say that there is some small comfort in knowing that the toilets I'm depositing my intestinal contents into are clean. One would think that Pete -- the most germ-phobic person I've ever been married to -- would prefer to be sick into a clean toilet, but he's oddly not that particular about that sort of thing. I also like to extend the same courtesy of cleanliness to my children. Not that they'd care; I've trained the girls to vomit into small trash cans and large plastic cups, without spilling a drop. Yes, they are that good.

Luckily, the stomach bug I had on Wednesday didn't involve vomiting. However, I did feel crappish (like that word?) for almost a solid 24 hours, and I have to assume that I managed to share the germy love with my family at some point, which means that someone here in Jenworld is about to get sick.

And I'm ready.


Josie said...

I love "the most germ aphobic person I have ever been married to" comment. Like your Elizabeth Taylor and have to pick and choose from husbands:)
I and my mother hve scoured this place after every of WB's treatments. I feel ya hon.

Vanessa said...

I can relate to this in a scary familiar way. I scrub to death any surface that may have even been breathed on when I was sick. The clorox wipes are my best friend at that point. And as far as your girls? My mother did the same thing, except it was over car sickness. She taught me to throw up so neatly because "I didn't drive you all the way here to look like vomit the minute we get here" <----her exact words

Family Adventure said...

Oh I hope not! But if they do...I'm glad to hear you are ready :)


Badness Jones said...

I like to puke in a clean toilet. Your family is lucky to have you. I still shudder about having to throw up in the washrooms at work when I was pregnant with Bad....gah!

And you're right. Those are bu-fugly shoes.

And thanks for the marshmallow rice krispies squares tip.

Melissa said...

Oh dear. If I lived next door, I'd come over with a thing of Lysol wipes and get after your doorknobs, phone, switchplates and bathrooms...I recall this phobia hitting last year at my house about this time and I SO didn't want the guys to get so sick like Mr. D and me.

Ditto on the shoes.

Bunny Bunster said...

I've been known to soak all toothbrushes in Listerine until I could get to the store to purchase new ones!
Shoes? Fugly!
Treats? Funny!! I'll keep that in mind.

Linda and her Surroundings said...

I am so phobic about tummy bugs that no one is allowed near me for at least ten days after they have had one. All those germs waiting for somewhere to land. Eeeww