Dear God/Yahweh/Allah/Xenu/the Divine Goddess/Etc.,
Thank you so much for giving me girls. Girls who do not do stuff like this. Stuff that could possibly involve orthopedic surgeons and time spent in traction. Stuff that makes me want to vomit when watching it, because that's someone's baby flying, soaring, and falling.
Because I'm here to tell you that my heart simply cannot handle the stress this would cause me. Really. I will die from worrying.
Yes I know that one day Elegant is going to cause me to go completely gray when she takes up bungee jumping or Olympic trampolining. Or when she joins the circus. Yeah, I'll probably have a stroke over that one.
And yes I know that Graceful is going to be a vet and will have all sorts of furry biting creatures as her patients. And she'll live on a farm with dozens of animals that I'll hate when I come to visit. And she'll marry someone who loves roller coasters just like she does and they'll probably have their wedding ceremony at DisneyWorld and I'll have to spend a fortune on a damn amusement park wedding. That one's definitely going to cause an apoplectic fit.
But if you just spare me for a little longer, I'd really appreciate it. That should give me enough time to stockpile enough pharmaceuticals to get through the inevitable.