Monday, January 14, 2008

I am neither preppy nor tanned

The spring Lilly Pulitzer catalog came in the mail this weekend -- a Jenworld first. I was so flabbergasted by the arrival of this catalog that I had to discuss it with Pete to figure why in the hell the people at Lilly Corporate HQ thought I would be their target audience.

Anyone who knows me, knows that Lilly Pulitzer is not my look, nor is it within my budget. I do not wear pink, I definitely do not wear floral prints, and I most certainly do not spend hundreds of dollars on a pink floral dress I won't ever wear. I wear black. Lots of it. I'm not even sure that the people at Lilly are aware of black as a wardrobe color.

I did look through the catalog and was strangely fascinated by the lifestyle portrayed therein. There were lots of young, thin, tanned people. I doubt any model was older than 28. So I'm guessing the Lilly demographic is rich young people. Judging by some of the mother/daughter outfits, some of those rich young people have children -- adorable children who don't get dirty.

I'm going to insult some specific Lilly clothes now. If you are a Lilly fan, this is not directed at you and is not meant as an indictment of your wardrobe choices. Brightly colored shift dresses look adorable on other women, but not me. Also, $298 for a cotton summer dress is not happening here in Jenworld.

Typical Lilly:

And some scary Lilly:

Are they shitting me? Who wears this? The witchy grandma from "Bewitched"?

This isn't so bad:

Still, the day I wear this is the day that Hell has indeed frozen over or Camilla has become Queen of England.

Even in navy blue, I can't imagine wearing this:
If it makes the mannequin look chunky, then imagine how it would look on me.

I looked at the pants too, since that's what I prefer over dresses:

All I can say is: Cher circa 1973.

Pete and I got a good laugh out of the Lilly men's clothing:

The men who wear these clothes are not afraid to wear pink and green pants, pastel blazers, and shoes without socks. They are also not afraid to use gel in their hair. Seriously, when did the "Miami Vice" look come back?

It is actually possible that there will soon be some Lilly in Jenworld. Elegant would love to be a Lilly girl. She has owned exactly one Lilly skort in her life and that's because I found one for an amazing price at a consignment shop a couple of years ago. The girl loved the hell out of that skort. So much so that I am now searching eBay for more Lilly for Elegant. I may not personally want to wear all that pink and green, but I can certainly help a seven-year-old out. The big question is: Will be I creating a cute little monster who will only dress like she lives in Palm Beach?

I can seriously picture Elegant in this:

It's $68. She won't be wearing it, unless I can find it for significantly less on eBay.

This is Elegant and her friends in 15 years:

The girl in the middle needs to do something about those tan lines. The girl on the far right obviously has a very heavy brain that causes her to hunch forward like that.

And here's Elegant's wedding in 20 years:

Can you imagine the mother-of-the-bride outfit? I am in deep trouble. And poor Pete is going to have to wear one of those Miami Vice outfits. Damn, we'd better start saving our money and working on our tans now.

I don't know if Graceful is a Lilly girl or not. While she wouldn't go near the dresses or the skorts, I think it's possible she might like the shorts or capri pants.

That's all the snark I can summon for Lilly at this moment. I'm going to go dress myself in all black and get busy with what needs to be done. There's no school, as it's a teacher work day. I'm going to gang press the girls into helping me with a small mailing for work, with the promise of a pilgrimage to Tar-zhay afterward.

Happy Monday everyone!


Flutterby said...

OMG that last green guy thing just SCREAMS "Deranged leprechaun".

Melissa said...

Your post is too funny! It's exactly how I feel about the Pottery Barn people/houses/children. And I totally agree. WHERE would one wear these things? No place in Wisconsin, that I know!

daysgoby said...

Ooh! Make sure you look under Lily and Puletzer/Pulitser and other misspellings too!

(R has a Hanna Anderson fetish - you'd be amazed what you can find on ebay when someone doesn't look at the tags when listing!)

LOVE the green suitcoat. MUST get one for my father in law. Actually, he'd probably wear it. (sigh)

Lacey Bean said...

Yeah I am so NOT a Lilly girl either! My friend was in a wedding where the bridesmaid dresses were Lilly and it was hysterical. They actually didn't look bad, but we kept calling it the "cupcake dress".

Suzanne said...

But you DO live in Virginia, and I think that's what caught Lilly's attention.

You live in VA and you shop from other catalogues, so Lilly thought it was worth a shot to send you visions of her pink and green madness.

Oh, those photos gave me such horrible flashbacks of my sister and her friends. The more madras the better, and Lilly was prized above Armani, Dior and probably Coco Chanel herself.


Sister Honey Bunch said...

Oooh. I think I have a headache from all the pink and flowery crap. Ick.

Family Adventure said...

Jen...AWESOME post. I hadn't ever heard of Lilly before now. But those pants? Oh my. And the men's outfits - *snort*.

I actually didn't mind some of the dresses, but not that those prices!!


The Guider said...

And yet you worship Boden? They look very Boden to me, with the exception of the Bewitched one...

Traci Anne said...

Boden's totally more classic/"basic" than Lilly. There are some LP things I think are cute, but for the most part, I'm like, really? Someone would actually wear that?!

Also, this post made me giggle so hard I SNORTED.

Mrs. G. said...

LP was huge in the south when I was growing up. It was definitely for the country club set. I have alwys found it loud and too much-the female equivalent of loud golf pants.

If I wore those pinkish paisley pants, my ass would look like a bad couch from the 1970's

Lela said...

Holy hell, I think my eyes are bleeding now.

Bunny Bunster said...

I ditto what Flutterby and Mrs. G said, and I also ditto what Family Adventure said.
I'm just a ditto fool today!!

kristabella said...

That is just too much pink and pastels. More than one human needs.

I think the only person who would actually wear the men’s line is Mark on Ugly Betty.

countrymouse said...

That green floor length thing is frightening! I swear, women used to wear stuff like that to church in the 70's (but with sleeves and sans fluffy thing around the neck.)

I can definitely see my daughter in some of those clothes : )

Peggy Sez.. said...

They jusy CANNOT let the 70's go can they? I lived through it and hated the clothes then. ;p

Cricket said...

First time on your blog - I'll be back!! Thought you'd get a kick out of this


Karen MEG said...

Loved this post! I came by I think via Badness, you are hilarious.
I'm not a Lilly chick either, but I must admit that the little dresses I see in the store for little *goyles* like mine (who just turned 3) are just cute as a button. But then, she is just three!
Now those men's outfits are a total scream... literally!