Can someone please explain to me how people -- and by people, I mostly mean women, but also Zack Efron and Marilyn Manson -- seem to know all about makeup and styling hair and whatnot?
This is a serious question.
Why do some women know how to apply makeup and, before that, even what to use? Is this something mothers are supposed to teach their daughters? Is it genetic? Does one have to receive special training? Are all Texas girls taught this when they get their first bras and set their sights on beauty pageant crowns?
Because I am here to tell you that I JUST DON'T GET IT.
For example, all that flesh-toned stuff one is supposed to layer on one's skin, presumably not with a trowel? What's the deal with all that? And the black smudgy stuff around the eyes that makes one look like a raccoon? And the rainbow of colors on one's eyelids? Anyone? Anyone?
And then there are the lips. I'm purely a lip balm kind of female. I have some lipstick if I need it, but I'm never motivated enough to actually wear it. But there are some women (lots, judging by what I see on TV) who wear lipstick AND also outline their lips with some sort of crayon that never ever looks good. Why? Oh, and what's the deal with lip gloss? Why would someone want their lips to shine like Prince Charles' bald spot?
Hair color is another mystery to me. Highlights, lowlights, backlights, and frontlights. Apparently one doesn't just add color. There are multiple steps and processes. It seems so complicated and mysterious. Do all stylists have Ph.Ds in Chemistry?
I've been lucky enough to coast by on my reasonably good (but very pale) skin for all these years. But the little bit of color I have had is fading and I'm going to be ghostly before too long. I'm trying to decide if I care enough to figure all this out or if I'll just keep on as I have all along. I know I could go to a department store and have someone teach me all this stuff, but I have to confess that I'm not all that interested. I wear minimal amounts of makeup and that's about all I have the time and interest for.
Yes, it's true. I confess. Not only am I clueless, I also could not care less about make up and all related topics. If I could get by without wearing any at all, I would in a heart beat.
(At this point, Traci's poor little Texas heart just went into cardiac arrest. Sorry dear.)
Beyond figuring out what it is I should/could be doing, there is the matter of my daughters. You know, those two women-in-training. They're going to need to know all this at some point. I'm thinking I can't just hand them a Teen Cosmo and tell them to figure it out. Elegant is after all the child who's been painting her fingers and toes with SHARPIES for years in order to get the color she so desperately desires. Heaven help us all when she gets her hands on some Clinique or Bobbi Brown. Although now that I think about it, she'll probably figure it all out and then teach me.
So that's today discussion people: Tell me how you figured out the hair/makeup stuff. Feel free to offer advice.