Sunday, January 06, 2008

12 step programs are easier to complete

Here's how a typical home reno project goes down here in Jenworld:
  1. Conceive of an idea -- this is a fifty-fifty split between Pete and me. Sometimes I have the brainstorm, sometimes he does.
  2. Pitch idea to spouse and try to win him/her over. If the spouse prefaces the idea with "Now hear me out on this one," then it's a doozy. You may not like it, but try to have an open mind.
  3. If the idea sucks -- such as painting the front foyer pumpkin orange below the chair rail -- then the idea is discarded. If, however, the idea does not suck, it will be discussed further. Possibly for an hour or more. The IKEA! catalog may be involved. A measuring tape might be needed.
  4. Continue bouncing the idea around for days, possibly weeks, and occasionally even months. Spend time online researching/shopping. Make scouting trips to the hardware store.
  5. More discussions. More tape measure. More IKEA! catalog.
  6. Sometimes, paint chips are necessary. Make another trip to the store to pick up 27 variations on cobalt blue. (I wish I were kidding. But our first floor bathroom looks great!)
  7. Agree to proceed with project. Make extensive plans.
  8. Get started with the project. Realize that some critical component of the original plan will not work, so conceive of a new one.
  9. Cuss. A lot.
  10. Go to the hardware store and pray for inspiration.
  11. When inspiration is not forthcoming, cuss even more while scowling and stomping around the hardware store. Scare off hardware store employees and customers with the hateful look on your frowny face.
  12. Find brilliant solution. Continue work on project.
  13. Sustain minor injury, such as splinter, paper cut, or smashed thumb. More cussing while finding first aid kit.
  14. Tell Graceful that whatever it is you just muttered under your breath is not appropriate for nine-year-olds and that perhaps she should find something else to entertain herself.
  15. Hammer. Drill. Screwdriver.
  16. Make a mess, but also make progress.
  17. Take a break to have a snack, as hands are shaking from plummeting blood sugar levels.
  18. More work. More progress. Holy crap, this might just work!
  19. Finally, the project is complete. Rejoice and celebrate. Then, share with blogging community.
We're at #18 and holding. Will post photos when we cross the divide to #19.


Family Adventure said...

Heh! I'll be holding out for no. 19, then.


Suzanne said...

And yet you expressed amazement at my mad dryer repair skillz??

You do far more than I do, in a much shorter period time. Yes, it's true Mz. Redecorate both girls' bedrooms when they are away for the weekend, plus much, much more.

You will have completely redecorated your entire house five times over before I manage to go through one box of crappe.

There was that one Labor Day weekend a few years ago when I started out repainting the bathroom walls and ended up repainting all the tiles as well as the front door, entire front porch entry, railings and shutters (yes, the projects were somehow connected; don't bother asking). That aberrant behavior was a bizarre side effect from the non-drowsy cold medication I was on. Never again.

Go, Jen, go!!

countrymouse said...

I? Am freaking envious! Our process is much more streamlined:

1) hubby makes a suggestion
2) I roll my eyes in contempt because doesn't he see that isn't going to look right in our style of home?
3) I make a suggestion
4) Hubby rolls his eyes in contempt because don't I see that isn't (according to the laws of physics) possible?
5) Jointly give up and try again in another year.

The End. : )

blackbird said...

This is SO NOT motivating me to paint the downstairs loo.

Flutterby said...

But the whole process is screwed up the hooha when you don't have an Ikea handy.

Sue said...

At least you START projects. We think about them. For years. And that's about it.

Lisa @ Take90West said...

Can't wait to see!