Saturday, December 01, 2007


It's December 1st, which means Day 1 of the new advent calendar. One advent calendar; two children. That's a potential problem right there, but luckily I wrote on the calendar whose turn it is to go first this year: Graceful. Elegant was disappointed when I told her that Graceful opens on the first day, but I whispered in her ear that SHE gets to open the 24th, which we all know is the BEST day to open. So that warmed Elegant's greedy little heart.

We got a Playmobil calendar this year:

That's right, don't you just feel the Christmas spirit just OOZING from every nook and cranny of UNICORN PARADISE!

This is what it should look like once the various pieces are opened:

That's a whole lotta pink. A real whole lot. Obviously, no boys live in this house. Well, except Pete, but he's long since resigned himself to the strong feminine presence in Jenworld. And "feminine presence" = pink and lots of it.

In between the first and second photos, however, some assembly is necessary. So much so, that it could take two highly intelligent sober adults about 45 minutes from start to finish just to open the packaging and assemble the advent calendar so that the children can start opening the various boxes for each day. That 45 minutes involved working steadily and not stopping to do anything else, like bang our heads against the wall for buying something that requires so much damn work at 10:30 on a Friday night.

In case you're not familiar with the Playmobil advent calendar oeuvre, here are the assembly instructions:
  • There are 24 days. Each day is represented by a box, which arrives flat and must be assembled.
  • Within each box is some sort of Playmobil piece or pieces, most of which must be assembled.
  • Only, too bad that the Playmobil people didn't actually put the various pieces in the same bags. The pieces for Box #1 were scattered among three different plastic bags, with other pieces for other days mixed in there too.
  • Everything in this advent calendar is in varying shades of pink, hot pink, pale pink, and white, with touches of green thrown in, so sorting amongst the pieces is a real joy. [sarcasm]
  • I was dropping the f-word freely and repeatedly by December 3rd.
  • And FIVE of the boxes had some sort of flowers, which involved putting teeny tiny little flowers onto some sort of greenery.
  • Which was a pain in the ass and I ended up fumbling and dropping plastic shit everywhere.
  • Pete assembled the boxes, so he was able to work faster than me.
  • When I would ask for a new box so that I could put some plastic crapola in, Pete tested my pissed-off reflexes by tossing the box at me.
  • I was not wearing my glasses.
  • Bastard.
  • Did I mention that I was getting a bit irritated?
  • Oh, and that I cussed mightily?
  • After the 24 boxes are transformed from 2-D to 3-D and there are bits o' plastic stuff in each one, it's time to assemble the whole shebang. The 24 boxes are attached to a cardboard thing that hangs on the wall.
  • More cussing was involved in the process of getting the damn boxes to hang properly and then stay, just stay damn it.
  • Then the flower-strewn cardboard "stage" had to be assembled.
  • Pete tried to put the arch on backwards and it took a few attempts before he'd listen to me and try assembling it the right way.
  • But we persevered and got everything set up and ready for the girls in the morning, which is now not too many hours away.
And so now we can begin to officially count down the days until Christmas is here.

Next year, I'd like a "Mom's Special Advent Calendar." Each day, there's a special treat just for the Queen of the house: mini liquor bottles, chocolate, and Valium and other assorted pharmaceuticals. It would arrive at my house already assembled and ready to go. Now THAT would put me in the Christmas spirit.


countrymouse said...

Oh the heart-warming Christmas joy!!! It's funny, but while reading your description, I was thinking about a mom's advent calendar too ; ) Great minds and all . . .

The Guider said...

Jen, next year for the girls can I recommend the Lego advent calendars? They come with a little bag already behind each door, and the girls do all the assembling.

I'd been toying with the idea of a Playmobil calendar but dear lord, I am glad I didn't.

We've had Lego calendars the last few years and they've gone down a storm.

Family Adventure said...

Oohh...I like the sound of that! A calendar for MOI!

We had the *blue* playmobil calendars one year -- too much grievance, so we're back to chocolate ones.


Badness Jones said...

Can I just ask how expensive that was....I mean, I know it cost more than the cheesy chocolate advents I got the kids, but also? Way cooler. You are such a cool mom. And...for next year...can I get it online?

MizMell said...

Did you ever see Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa? He had Tylenol in his advent calendar...

Peggy Sez.. said...

It the season to be jolly jen.. It's full size bottles for mommy or nothin' !!

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

Guider: We've had the Lego advent calenders. Alas, the girls much prefer Playmobil.

Badness: This wasn't that expensive. We got ours at a local boutique toy store, but I'm pretty sure that Target sells them online for about $16.

Professor J said...

Yes ma'am, sign me up for a mom's advent calendar.

That might even make me consider a regular advent calendar.

Hope said...

Think of it this way Jen, you are already geared up for the whole atonement/suffering thing at Easter and if you do go for the mother advent thing next holiday just don't bother to mention the liquor, chocolate or pharmaceuticals.

Flutterby said...

The key word there being *sober*. Which you should have been when you went shopping for an Advent calender.

smalltownmom said...

I want the mom's calendar!

Kristin said...

Listen, if you need investors to get that Advent calendar off the ground you just give me a call... I am all for it!!!

We use the calendar's from Trader Joe's but, um, I seem to have forgotten to buy them!

So, I guess they'll get to open 2 tomorrow.

TX Poppet said...

I have just one word for you, Jennifer. RUMBALLS! Why do you think I spend so much time "baking" during the holidays? snort.

Sue said...

hee hee This is what it's like on Christmas Eve - putting together play kitchens or what have you. The air turns blue I tell ya...

I've never bought an Advent calendar - I feel like such a bad mom!