Thursday, November 29, 2007

A letter to the woman who flipped me off yesterday...

Dear Buffy,

I know that you're a busy woman, as shown by the way you multi-tasked on Preston Avenue -- driving your new Mercedes AND talking on the phone at the same time.

I know that your phone call was very important -- maybe you were calling the housekeeper of your winter home in Eleuthera to discuss plans for your December 20th arrival. Or perhaps you were calling your sorority sister Muffy to discuss your spa getaway. Or maybe you were scheduling your next face lift.

You are a busy, important woman. I get that. I understand.

So when I tooted my horn at you, it was just a gentle reminder that green lights mean GO. Green lights do not mean to continue sitting there in your shiny fancy car, chatting on the phone, and blocking traffic. I wasn't trying to ruin your life or make your day difficult, I was simply trying to get traffic moving so that the fifteen cars behind me had a chance to get through the light too. There was no need to be huffy or gesture your well-manicured, but covered in age spots, hands at me.

Believe me, if I had wanted to truly piss you off, I would have done so. Imagine the horn of my minivan beeping nonstop for some time. Imagine me waving my very own hands at you and providing helpful hand gestures. Imagine me rolling down my windows and hollering some friendly advice to you.

And if you are going to talk on the phone whilst driving, I suggest you place a call to your colorist. I could see your roots from 25 feet away.

Merry Christmas to you, Biff, and your other hoity toity friends.

XO, Jen

15 comments:

Hope said...

lol...sounds like she had a bad chemical peel or something...oh well...letters like this are cathartic huh?

Flutterby said...

LMAO!! I always wave and smile when they flip me off for things like that. Especially the ones I see further down the road who are stopped... all the pretty colorful police car lights going flashy flashy while Nice Mr. Policeman writes them a ticket for blowing past me and everyone else because we dared to go the speed limit.

alison said...

Maybe you'll be mentioned in Buffy's annual Christmas letter this year. Snicker.

Family Adventure said...

Argh! People on the phone holding up traffic is one of my top three pet peeves.

You handled it well!

Heidi :)

Josie said...

Love this Jen.
The age spots, the roots....classic :)

The Hotfessional said...

ahahahahahahahahahaha. Jen that was great.

Badness Jones said...

When I was a kid, the horn on my mom's car was always worn out. I was a kid, so I thought that horns were something that often just 'went'....but it turns out that most moms don't follow the jerks that cut them off for 20 minutes with the horn held down....go mom!

Melissa said...

WTF is it with people getting pissy when you beep at them? I'm not saying HONK, but a friendly tap saying "wake up, pay attention?" I totally agree, and this has happened to me too, not the being beeped at but the beeping registering an obscene gesture...this brings to mind the lady I tooted to after she held up the lane in front of school for 5 whole minutes while dressing her son. ..

Jessi said...

Lmao!! Awwww!

Peggy Sez.. said...

Does Mimsy know Buffy?

StLmom said...

That was YOU?

Only kidding. My roots are covered.

Caroline said...

LOL. This is awesome. And it totally reminds me of a story. Check back with me later because I'm so going to write it now...

shay said...

I stumbled across your blog from one I usually read and....I'M in love! You are hilarious. Hopefully "Buffy" gets your message lol.

Mrs. G. said...

SNAP

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Age Spots and Roots Showing - if not for the fact she was driving a mercedes it might have been - me?

But I never talk on the phone whilst driving - 'cos I have a manuaul.