Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Confessions of a dumb ass

Okay, since Sue is having such a shitty week, I have offered to publicly confess some things that might or might not bring a smile to her face:
  • I'm a total spaz when driving. Seriously. There are times when I can't believe Pete lets me schlep the girls hither and yon. Like there was the time I didn't see a car coming from my left and pulled out. I tapped it so gently that I barely felt it, but the other car lost control and was totaled. The driver was okay, thank goodness. Last year, as I was leaving the interview for my job, I hit a curb or something with our brand new car and dented the shit out of the side, so I had to go home and tell Pete. That's not the maddest I've seen him, but it was close.
  • Once when my in-laws were here, I quietly farted. Only, it wasn't a fart. There was more. Turns out, that was the opening crescendo to several days of a stomach bug. Luckily, only Pete and I knew. And now so do you.
  • And while we're on the topic of gastro-intestinal distress, how about vurps?
  • I once said "fuck" in front of Elegant's preschool class. Luckily, none of them heard me, including the little shit who had just viciously kicked me.
  • The Christmas taht Elegant was four, she would talk about "the little baby Jeeeezus!" Okay, that one's on Pete.
  • Or the time Elegant stuck a sippy cup between my boobs and drank like a lamb at a petting zoo. In the grocery store. With people looking. Not long after that, at the end of a long day, I found a toy in my bra. No, I had not noticed it.
  • How this parenting moment? And this and this.
Okay, confession is supposed to be good for the soul and all that, so that's my contribution for today. How about y'all? What are your confessions?

7 comments:

Silvia said...

ROTFLMAO! But I'm not going anywhere near "true confessions" time on my blog. Sorry! :)

Sue said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I love you. The end.

Hope said...

At the moment Matthew is delighted with the word asshole. He heard mama shout it unthinkingly at another driver day before yesterday. Publicly, we blame it on his father.

Mrs. G. said...

Once,during a dinner with my inlaws, I felt something working its way down my leg. I looked under the table and saw the prior day's underpants laying near my foot. I had forgotten to remove them when I wore my jeans jeans again the next day. Nice, huh. Yeah, I'm a real class act. I managed to wad them up and stick them in my pocket without anyone noticing.

Peggy Sez.. said...

I fear my confessions will either be too gross or not gross enough..(ACKK! too many decisions)...LOL!

Josie said...

I still love the story about the sippy cup in the bra....love it.

And while confession may be good for the soul...I think I'll wait.

hello darling (formerly hello sunshine!) said...

This made me literally LOL - REALLY loud!!