Dear Principal and Teachers,
An explanation for why my daughters barely made it to school on time today:
Where to begin? Perhaps with last night, when both children were still awake at 9:45 and insisting they weren't tired, even though we kept telling them to get back into bed and just go to sleep. That certainly explains why it was so difficult to drag their carcasses out of bed this morning. We had to persuade, cajole, and damn near bribe them to get moving.
Breakfast was the usual series of exhortations for the girls to eat, just eat damn it. Even though they were slow in eating and late in finishing, I still insisted that they clear their dishes and load them in the dishwasher. Yes, I know I could have let it slide, so as to hasten the girls' departure for school, but as I do not have a butler, a housekeeper, or a battalion of maids at my disposal, my children will continue to clean up after themselves, even at the risk of being late for school.
And when Elegant went to throw away the rest of her sliced bananas and they ended up on the floor instead of in the trash can, I was mean and made her pick them up, even though she HATES touching sticky and/or slimy things. After she slowly and painstakingly picked up the banana slices one by one, the cruelty continued when I insisted that she wash her hands instead of wiping them on her pajamas. Yeah, I know that had the potential to cut into her time at school, but that's a risk I was willing to take.
Then I had to remind Graceful to retrieve a stack of her books and papers that were on the middle of the stairs and that she had walked OVER at least twice.
And then, Elegant said she couldn't get dressed because she was too cold. No, I don't understand either. All I can say is that the next ten minutes were a bit frenzied as we hustled the girl through her morning routine.
Finally, it was time to leave the house and walk to school. Yes, I could have driven the girls and gotten them there with plenty of time to spare, but doing so would have rewarded their slow asses and I'm just not that nice. Instead, I suggested they walk a bit faster, so as not to be late. I think you folks would approve of our physical exertions, given that no third grade student at our school is allowed to enjoy their single recess of the day until they have first run two laps around the playing field. Why yes, I am still a bit pissed about that.
In conclusion, all of the above should hopefully explain why my daughters were not actually sitting at their desks at 8:30. Since they had crossed the threshold of the school, that's good enough for me. I understand that tardiness is frowned upon, however, my children are usually on time and if one tardy on their permanent record is going to keep them from ultimately being accepted into an Ivy League school, I can live with that. Really I can.
Thank you for your understanding. Have a nice day.