Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Halloween fashion report -- it all sux

With Halloween fast approaching, everyone's talking about costumes. While we here in Jenworld know what we'll be wearing, we are curious about what's hot in the world of dressing up.

For years, it seems as though I've seen nothing but little girls dressed as princesses and fairies, with the occasional cat or scarecrow thrown in for good measure. So it was with great surprise that I recently flipped through a catalog that sells Halloween costumes. Because I simply could not believe my very own eyes.

Let me illustrate with photos:

Leopard Diva

Belly Dancer

Rock Star Diva

Anyone noticing a trend here?

I can't tell you how many costumes had "diva" in the title.

I don't know about y'all, but the last thing I'm going to let one of my girls dress as is anything that shows her belly button and is borderline hooker garb.

Or how about this one, entitled "Fashionista Skeleton":

That's another trend I'm noticing this year -- adding the word "fashionista" to random things and jazzing up the costume a bit. What's wrong with being a regular skeleton?

I can't remember the name of this one, but I've dubbed it the "Pink Homeless Fashionista Diva":

Too bad it doesn't come with a variety of tattered shopping bags with all of her earthly goods.

And how about this number:

I call this one "Dolly Parton's Protege." No, it does not come with outsized falsies.

God help me if Elegant ever see this one:

I call it "21st Century Charo."

If Elegant sees this, she will beg me for another feather boa. The last time she had one, it shed hot pink fluff all over the damn house and the shit could not be vacuumed up. It could, however, be thrown away. The entire boa. Which I did.

This one, so help me, is called "Pink Mummy Fairy":

I'm guessing that a costume designer got stoned and pulled three words at random out of the dictionary.

Ooh! How about this one:

Why be a mere pirate when you can be a hooker pirate? Costume does not come with condoms or the Kama Sutra.

And then there's this one:

I like the way they tear the stockings for you. I can assure you that Elegant would manage that on her own in about five minutes. Three, if she's wearing those clunky boots.

I can't complain too much about the punk rocker costume, as I feel confident that at least one of my girls will go through that phase in 8-10 years, so why speak words now that I will surely have to retract later?

So that's the Halloween '07 fashion report. Pretty grim, all of it, and not one of those costumes is actually ghoulish or scary.

(For a retrospective of Elegant's costumes -- and an example of how we dress up for such a splendid holiday -- see here.)


Daddy Dan said...

The Dolly Parton one should be called the Jon Benet Ramsey. I can't believe there's a market for these costumes. What type of parent would dress their young daughter like that?

Suzanne said...

Holy crap! The scary thing is the trend towards dressing young girls as slutty diva whores. Gives me the total creeps!

Why are we sexualizing our pre-teens?? It's truly sickening...


Linda and her Surroundings said...

They are all a little bit sexy really. And, no way would I let young gals show their tummies off like that. What is with the make-up and hair!!! Although, I could imagine myself in one or two of those outfits. I do like the skeleton one!

The Guider said...

OK, I am with you on nearly all of them - particularly the pink mummy one!

But I honestly don't see what's wrong with the belly dancer (showing about an inch of belly). And I could see some of our Guides (ie age 10-14) dressed as the pirate without looking tarty...

blackbird said...

I'm so glad I don't have girls...

MizMell said...

I'm with you on this one. Little girls need to be little girls and the diva costumes should be saved for adult costume parties, right?

kristi said...

Oh my GAWD...I am cracking up! Hilarious!!

Casdok said...

Wow! IM so glad they werent around when i was young!!

alison said...

So far so good in our household. Rae (who turns 5 on Thursday) told me disdainfully "Cameron wants to be a princess. A princess!! That's not scary. You have to be scary on Halloween." It went on, but you get the gist.

And the pink fairy mummy is just weird. Like too many illicit substances weird.

Aims said...

Charo Charo!!! that is completely hilarious.
When I was a kid we wore a pillowcase and covered our faces in talcum powder. I have no idea what we were trying to look like.

Lela said...

My daughter had a pink feather boa when she was 4. The cat drug it up and down the hall repeatedly. Looked like a damn flamingo died in my house.

countrymouse said...

fashionista skeleton? Is that meant to reinforce that fashion models need to be skletal? I don't think I get it . . .

I *dig* the challenge of making something out of nothing. One year I used an old sweat shirt and a pair of too small church pants and made my youngest a torreador costume. It was the coolest thing : )

Lisa@Take90West said...

Whatever happened to dressing up like Raggedy Ann or Laura Ingalls? Or was I totally the biggest nerd that ever lived?

Funny post! But a little sad, too. No wonder kids are growing up so fast.

Flutterby said...

Prostitots. I read that somewhere when the current fashion trends among the youngest were being discussed. It's a sad thing when you go shopping and actually notice when there is something really cute and DECENT for the preschool set because it's so rare these days.

Jessi said...

Lmao! I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to giggle, think "WTF??," or call back home to remind my mother not to let her little ones dress like sluts (which she wouldn't do, but still!).

superblondgirl said...

This is another of those "thank goodness I have a boy" things. Boy costumes don't come in "sexy" or "diva". What is up with people thinking any of that stuff is appropriate? That's the Halloween fashion catalog for pedophiles.