With Halloween fast approaching, everyone's talking about costumes. While we here in Jenworld know what we'll be wearing, we are curious about what's hot in the world of dressing up.
For years, it seems as though I've seen nothing but little girls dressed as princesses and fairies, with the occasional cat or scarecrow thrown in for good measure. So it was with great surprise that I recently flipped through a catalog that sells Halloween costumes. Because I simply could not believe my very own eyes.
Let me illustrate with photos:
Anyone noticing a trend here?
I can't tell you how many costumes had "diva" in the title.
I don't know about y'all, but the last thing I'm going to let one of my girls dress as is anything that shows her belly button and is borderline hooker garb.
Or how about this one, entitled "Fashionista Skeleton":
That's another trend I'm noticing this year -- adding the word "fashionista" to random things and jazzing up the costume a bit. What's wrong with being a regular skeleton?
I can't remember the name of this one, but I've dubbed it the "Pink Homeless Fashionista Diva":
Too bad it doesn't come with a variety of tattered shopping bags with all of her earthly goods.
And how about this number:
I call this one "Dolly Parton's Protege." No, it does not come with outsized falsies.
God help me if Elegant ever see this one:
I call it "21st Century Charo."
If Elegant sees this, she will beg me for another feather boa. The last time she had one, it shed hot pink fluff all over the damn house and the shit could not be vacuumed up. It could, however, be thrown away. The entire boa. Which I did.
This one, so help me, is called "Pink Mummy Fairy":
I'm guessing that a costume designer got stoned and pulled three words at random out of the dictionary.
Ooh! How about this one:
Why be a mere pirate when you can be a hooker pirate? Costume does not come with condoms or the Kama Sutra.
And then there's this one:
I like the way they tear the stockings for you. I can assure you that Elegant would manage that on her own in about five minutes. Three, if she's wearing those clunky boots.
I can't complain too much about the punk rocker costume, as I feel confident that at least one of my girls will go through that phase in 8-10 years, so why speak words now that I will surely have to retract later?
So that's the Halloween '07 fashion report. Pretty grim, all of it, and not one of those costumes is actually ghoulish or scary.
(For a retrospective of Elegant's costumes -- and an example of how we dress up for such a splendid holiday -- see here.)