Have you seen this story on Yahoo news?
There were four winning tickets for Friday's $330 million Mega Millions jackpot. According to preliminary calculations, each ticket would be worth about $82 million if the prize were taken in 26 annual payments. If taken in one lump sum payment, the payout would be $48,615,188.
Can you even imagine waking up one day to discover that you're filthy stinking rich?
We don't buy lottery tickets here in Jenworld, but Pete and I do like to think about what we'd do if we ever had serious fuck you money:
We'd take the lump sum payment of $48 million and change. Obviously, we'd consult financial experts and figure out what to do with all that moolah. After all, you just don't dump that kind of money into a savings account earning 2% interest or roll it into CDs.
We'd probably quit our jobs, but not necessarily immediately and possibly not until we figured out what we'd do with our time. Loafing around and watching the harpies on "The View" does not count as a viable plan of action.
We'd change a few things about our current lifestyle -- farming out the cleaning of our toilets is numero uno on my list -- but we'd try to keep things normal. In fact, if we could somehow hide that huge influx of wealth into our checking account, we would. We wouldn't tell friends or neighbors or even our kids. We'd live normally enough that I think we could away with it.
We'd set up trust funds for the girls, but not tell them until they're old enough to handle that kind of money in a mature and responsible manner. Which does not include participating in a "Girls Gone Wild" video during spring break or hanging out with any member of the Hilton family.
We'd help out some family members, but only the ones who don't actively piss me off. Wait a moment, could I pay off some people to leave me alone and never bother me again? That is a most compelling thought...
Beyond that, I don't envision a lot major splurges or radical changes in our lifestyle, because that's not how we roll here in Jenworld. We're fiscally conservative and all that shit.
We might get wild and crazy and upgrade our 2000 model year minivan to a 2007, but no Porsche or BMW would appear in our driveway. I think we've reached the point when we can have a minivan that doesn't have upholstery covered in crushed Cheerios and dried apple juice.
Pete would dream about getting a motorcycle or maybe building a roller coaster in our back yard, but I can assure you that neither of those fantasies will be fulfilled. Nor would I start dropping insane amounts of money on shoes.
We would not join a country club, start playing golf, or attend galas and other fancy events.
The bulk of the money would be donated. Anonymously.
That's right. We would give the money away without people knowing it was us. There would be no academic buildings, scholarships, or professorships named after us. Actually, our alma mater wouldn't see any of the money because it's not needed over there.
Pete and I have long since agreed that our charitable dollars go to true charities. Food banks and soup kitchens. Homeless shelters and women's shelters. Literacy programs and job training programs. You get the idea.
So anyway, those are my 2 a.m. musings on lottery winnings and what we'd do with them if we ever actually started playing lotto and then actually won.