Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Don't mess with Jen

Dear Mother Nature,

Why oh why must you torment me so?

I am 38 years old. I have given birth twice and have the related stretch marks. I also have cellulite, gray hairs, dry skin, and frequent sleepless nights. I am only a few years away from bifocals. I'm sure that wrinkles and crow's feet are not far off either. I can't eat spicy food the way I used to and my weight is a daily concern. My boobs and butt are no longer as perky as they used to be. Really, I think I have enough going on with my body these days.

So I ask you, is it really necessary to also curse me with acne? I mean, I'm not exactly a teenager anymore. I had thought my Stridex days were past, but now I find myself standing in the skin care aisle at Target next to pizza-faced teenage boys.

And it's not like those angry red bumps are the domain of my face only. Oh no, Mother Nature, you've seen fit to sprinkle those fuckers in other places including my scalp, hairline, chest, and even occasionally my ass. Is this bad karma? Am I being punished for something?

[Side note: I believe it is a sign of True Love if one's husband is willing to doctor the aforementioned zits on one's ass.]

[I know...ewww.]

[Hey, you can't ever say that you don't get full and complete honesty here at Jen on the Edge. If you want lies and fairy tales, see here.]

Really Mother Nature, I think that by the time one has reached my age, a woman deserves a little dignity and respect. I don't think that clear creamy skin is too much to ask for.

But apparently, you do.

Thanks a lot beeyotch. You better hope we don't meet in a dark alley because I will cut you.

XO,
Jen

10 comments:

The Guider said...

Love your fairy tale link!

Josie said...

I am having the same problem.

All of a sudden my chin, chest and my back have angry little pimples popping up!! I've started using some of WB's Tea Tree Oil stuff from the Body Shop.

This old age thing sucks.

And the fairy tale link - genius.

Aims said...

Pier Auge Masque Creme - applied everyday - works wonders.

Lela said...

Omg you're killing me, rofl! I hear ya though, oil glands and gravity are the pits.

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Ha Ha Ha! I can honestly say I know EXACTLY how you feel - cannot believe you blogged the same subject - really must be a world wide viral thing....

Lisa said...

Very funny!
Good to know I'm not alone. I have been feeling like a before ad for Proactiv for about 6 months now and I have no idea why. The ones along my hairline hurt worse than I ever remember them hurting as a kid!

Thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday!

countrymouse said...

Oh--and just in case you've forgotten? People keep reminding me (how damn nice of them) that hot flashes are not far beyond the current horizon. Along with the associated loss of "feminine lubrication" and decreased libido.

Womanhood: The gift that keeps on giving . . .

Sue said...

hee hee hee

Mother Nature is not a nice woman.

Daddy Dan said...

Damn! You funny girl!

MizMell said...

Mother Nature does indeed have a warped sense of humor. I developed the dame problem with "adult acne" right before the onset of menopause.
Clease. Tone. (treat with acne medicine). Moisturize. It's a way of life...