Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I don't heart Tom

In an attempt to make up for all the blah blah blah about redoing the girls' bedrooms last week, I was trying to think of something fun I haven't told you yet and came up with the following:

Did you know that I utterly loathe Tom Cruise? It's true. I should get Pete or perhaps my brother Michael to comment on this post to verify how very much I dislike that man. If ever you wanted to whip me into a frenzy, complete with specks of foamy spit on my mouth, just say something to me like "Tom Cruise is so hot" or "My god, Tom Cruise should get an Oscar because he is such an amazing actor." As I believe both of those to be false, I'll argue with you vehemently until you either concede that I'm right or that I pass out from lack of oxygen due to my hyperventilating frenzied state.

Seriously, I can't stand the dude. I refuse to see his movies now, even if they're so good that every single other person in the world told me I should see them. I don't know what I'd do if Tom Cruise were ever in a "Harry Potter" film. The simultaneous desire to see an HP movie combined with my intense loathing of anything having to do with TC would probably cause my head to actually explode.

I'm not sure when this started. Back in the '80s, I watched "Top Gun" numerous times. I never thought Tom Cruise was cute in that movie, because we all knew Val Kilmer was the real stud. Since I believe my friend Lori saw that movie with me in the theater, she can either verify or deny what I'm saying. I also saw such movies as "Cocktail" and "Rain Man" and didn't give him much thought, other than that the first movie was lame and that he was rather annoying in the second one but at least Dustin Hoffman was good.

I think it was when "The Firm" came out in 1993 that I started having my doubts about Tom Cruise and his acting prowess. I was not convinced he was a lawyer in the movie, the same way I might have been convinced that Harrison was an archaeologist or that Johnny Depp was a swishy pirate or that Val Kilmer was really Doc Holliday. Granted, it's not TC's fault that "The Firm" sucked and didn't come close to the book, but certainly the blame for his crapulous acting could be laid at his feet.

Then came "Interview with a Vampire" (1994) -- a book I had read numerous times and was very familiar with. That movie was just shiteous and a large part of it was the fact that Tom Cruise was just so damn wrong for the part. Was his ego so very large that he couldn't see how bad he was in the role of Lestat? Author Ann Rice describes that character as very tall and leonine, with flowing blond hair -- characteristics that Tom Cruise possessed not an ounce of. Plus, not once did I ever forget it was him in those velvet breeches and high heels. It was just "Tom Cruise playing a vampire" just as it had been "Tom Cruise playing a lawyer or Tom Cruise playing a bartender."

(And by the way, let me pause my rant here to note that my accuracy is relating the facts about TC's movies is due to my research on imdb.com and not because I actually remember the names of the movies or when they came out. I seriously don't care enough to use up my precious brain cells remembering shit about Tom Cruise and his career. Those cells are much better off remembering the pain of getting an epidural or being killed by rum-and-cokes.)

And then there was "Jerry Maguire" (1996) -- a movie that everyone raved over and talked about how wonderful it was. Such a terrific love story. So much depth. Blah blah blah. [yawn] It was during this snorefest that I realized that Tom Cruise could not convey the concept of falling if he were pushed off a cliff -- much less convince me that Jerry Maguire was deeply in love with Dorothy Boyd. You complete me? -- Hell no, Tom Cruise, you nauseate me.

I did see the first two "Mission: Impossible" movies with great reluctance. Pete's a huge fan of the TV series and I wanted to be supportive when the first movie came out. Sucked. Second one? Sucked even worse. "Minority Report"? I walked out after ten minutes. (Granted, I walked out of our TV room, but then again, I wouldn't have shelled out the money to see the movie in the theater.) "Vanilla Sky" and "The Last Samurai" and all the more recent Cruise movies? I didn't even bother.

And let me address Tom Cruise's so-called good looks. To me, the dude is a dog. An utter barf fest. I simply do not see what Katie Holmes and thousands of other women (and men too) around the world see in him. I recognize that I myself am not blessed with great beauty, but you don't see people all over the world worshipping me for it either. The dude is unattractive and getting worse with each passing year.

I will say this, however, that little Suri Cruise is an absolute doll. Let's hope she doesn't grow up to be a freak like her father. But I don't have a lot of hope for her.

Of course, anyone reading this is welcome to disagree with me. As I always say, this is MY blog, so I get to say whatever I want. If any person who has an "I puffy heart Tom Cruise" website or blog wants to disagree, feel free to do so on your own bandwidth.

So anyway, that's my rant for the day. Feel free to comment and let me know what you think.


MizMell said...

Each to his own, I always say. TC has always come off just a bit too arrogant, no matter what the role. Rant on...md

ChickenFlicken said...

I, too, really dislike Tom Cruise. He's too damn smirky for his own good. And you are so right when you say he's never 'the role', he's always 'Tom Cruise plays a vampire' or whatever. Smarmy bastard!

erin said...

I completely agree. Except for one little detail - I love the movie "A Few Good Men." But I think that's in spite of TC rather than because of him - it's not like I actually believed he was a JAG lawyer, it's just that Jack Nicholson is so great in it that I can overlook TC's involvement. (Also Demi Moore, who I don't have much use for either.)

Personally, my complete dislike of TC started after his whole rant on the Today show a couple of years back. He gives me the creeps and I will no longer watch his movies (except for A Few Good Men). I think he may have brainwashed Katie Holmes, b/c why else would she be married to him? Ick.

kristi said...

Ugh, I can't stand him either.

Lori Anderson Designs said...

Yes, I think we did see that movie together! And I thought he was hot then but Val was WAY hotter. Didn't like his love handles or the way he treated his girlfriend in "Rainman". But now that he's completely gone to the Dark Side and starts throwing around words like "glib", I can't stand him.

The hotness factor -- I think it helped that he and a guy I briefly dated in the Air Force had the same megawatt smile. GrrrrOWL but that smile of the brief-BF was amazing.

But I digress. Yes, we did see that movie together.

Lori Anderson Designs said...

OH, and I agree with Erin, "A Few Good Men" -- maybe I just have a thing for men in uniform.