Saturday, April 21, 2007

Daddy Dearest -- the upcoming movie

One of the stories I've been seeing a lot online in the past couple of days is about the enraged phone message that actor Alec Baldwin left his 11-year-old daughter Ireland last week. Apparently the doting father called at a regularly scheduled time to talk with his daughter and she wasn't home. His response was to leave a scathing voicemail that included such loving phrases as "...you have insulted me for the last time...You don't have the brains or decency as a human being...your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass...You made me feel like shit...I am going to straighten your ass out when I see you..." And then there's this choice comment, "You are a rude thoughtless little pig."

Um, Alec, just in case you've forgotten: Ireland is a child, not a mafioso.

As an adult, if I received a voicemail like that -- and there were many other epithets and threats -- I'd be calling the police to get a restraining order. I can't imagine how scared an 11-year-old would be after hearing it -- and from her father, no less. Fathers are supposed to be loving, caring, and supportive, not verbally abusive and threatening. I think it's safe to assume that Alec Baldwin has just cussed his visitation rights away, nor will he be getting a Father's Day card this year.

We all get angry at our children. Good grief, just within the past 24 hours, I've had to choke back varying levels of anger at our resident six-year-old who intentionally clocked her sister in the head with a swing, snuck candy from the kitchen, and sassed me so many times I've lost count. Not once did I call her a rude thoughtless little pig, or lob out any other insults for that matter. I also did not cuss at her or enrich her vocabulary with a new list of obscenities. Yes, I may have thought some things, but I didn't actually verbalize them.

So Alec, here's my personal message to you: Dude, you need to chill the fuck out. Take an anger management course. No, strike that. Instead, enroll at Anger Management University. Go for the graduate degree. Get into therapy. Become personally familiar with such medications as Prozac and Zoloft. Take yoga and meditate. Try to find some peace in your world.

Because one day little Ireland is going to grow up. The chances are good she'll end up in Hollywood just like her parents. You really don't want her to make a movie about you -- something along the lines of "Mommy Dearest." Because Alec, there's no way you're coming out of this looking like anything less than a total and complete asshole.

Have a good day. And, please don't call me.


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