Thursday, March 01, 2007

Ten things

There's this thingy making its way around the 'Net -- the 10 things you don't know about me. I normally wouldn't even pay attention to something like that, as it's more than a bit narcissistic, but then I thought, "Hey, this is MY blog. MINE! MINE! MINE! And it's all about ME ME ME!" So, here goes...

10 things you don't know about me:

1. I'm actually a British woman trapped inside an American body. I love England and all things English. I read the books, buy magazines just to salivate over the wee thatched cottages, and lust after their men. (Not all of them, just a very select few. Some of whom even resemble my very own husband.) In my mind, I've been to England hundreds of times. In reality, only once -- something I plan to rectify in either 2008 or 2009 when we finally will fulfill Graceful's heart's desire to go there for a family vacation. Graceful is apparently a British lass herself and we're going to be a Force to Be Reckoned With when we do go. And Elegant will be able to try out her British accent on the natives.

2. Even if I don't get Elegant's total diva-ness, I secretly adore it. I certainly don't have that gene, and don't aspire to have it, but it's fun to see it play out in my child.

3. I crave sugar cookies with frosting. However, I utterly loathe rolling out cookies, so I pretty much never make this particular kind. Thank goodness Sam's Club not only sells them, but does so in a 36 pack. No wonder I weigh 300 pounds.

(3.5. No, I really don't weigh 300 pounds.)

4. I once wrote an anonymous letter to the faculty sponsor of my high school National Honor Society. In said note, I raised hell about certain people who were honored with an invitation to join who I felt were not worthy, as they were not actually taking any honors classes and almost any idiot could get good grades in the regular classes. I regretted delivering that note almost immediately and then, since it was handwritten, had to completely change my handwriting for the rest of my senior year. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I didn't actually regret bitching at the teacher, only that I might possibly get caught. The teacher in question was a major asshole and, at the least, sorely needed to be put in his place, just perhaps not in the manner I chose.

5. While I am truly sorry that two strokes have left my mother-in-law utterly demented, paranoid, and fearful, there's a teeny tiny part of my that 1) is glad to be proven right after insisting for almost two years that something was not quite right and 2) feel somewhat vindicated for the almost 20 years I had to smile and just ignore her insults and slights.

6. Even though last year I signed up for a swimming program to swim the distance equivalent of the English Channel, and succeeded in said task, I'm actually scared to death of water and have nightmares that I'll drown one day. This is also the reason why I have both my children in private swimming lesssons -- so they won't one day be parents who are afraid they would not be able to save their children from drowning.

7. While I don't get Larry the Cable Guy, I do so love the low-brow humor of Reno 911. I also adore Carlos Mencia.

8. I plan to pay Big Money to see the Police in concert this summer. Furthermore, I would pay Even Bigger Money to see Duran Duran. And these will be good seats. As Pete calls them, Panty Flinging Seats. Not that I would fling my panties. My bras, however, would definitely get their attention.

9. I almost bought Cheez Whiz at the grocery store the other day. And not just the plain cheddar flavor. Oh no, I was eyeing the cheddar bacon Cheez Whiz.

10. One day, I'm going to drive a Midlife Crisis Car. Two doors. Black. Big roarin' engine. Tiny little trunk.

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