Thursday, March 08, 2007

More on Womanstock...

Expanding on yesterday's blogs about the fantasy rock band...

The Bail Babes are adding to their number. We've tapped Cathy, whom my girls call New Aunt Cathy, as she married my uncle Bruce a few months ago. We have a very good vibe about Cathy and think she needs in on the Bail Babe action, so she's in. We should probably tell her about that so that she can start practicing her Motown Moves. Also, she needs to pick her groupies. And she should probably tell Bruce that he'll be quitting his lucrative day job in investments to be one of the roadies. I'm sure he'll be thrilled.

Additions to the play list:

"Harper Valley PTA" -- Because, really, how can you even resist that song?
"Don't Cha" by Pussycat Dolls
"Stand By Your Man" -- We'll crank that one up a bit and give it some edge.
"I Wanna be Sedated" by the Ramones
"Low Budget" by the Kinks
"Waiting in Vain" by the Clash
"Goodbye to You" by Scandal

Other groupies:

Crazy Aunt Laura wants Anthony Hopkins, so he's in, even though we'll have to guard our chianti, fava beans, and internal organs around him.

We are short on blondes, so Matt Damon's in. So is Val Kilmer -- but not 2007 fat Val; we want 1980s buff Val.

Since this is fantasy, we can move through time, so we're bringing in the Bond-era Sean Connery, 1970s Warren Beatty, and Robert Redford at about age 38. Going further back, we also want Spencer Tracy, Cary Grant, and Humphrey Bogart. Definitely Steve McQueen too.

For a little humor, we want George Carlin, who should be formidable when paired with Jack Black. And definitely Robin Williams. I would have added Eddie Murphy, but I'm punishing him for being a jackass about about the whole Scary Spice thing, as well as his behavior during the Oscars.

Also, there will be a dress code for certain groupies. George Clooney needs to bring his Batman costume. Orlando Bloom will be packing his elf tights from the Lord of the Rings movies. And Colin Firth had better dust off his Mr. Darcy britches from "Pride and Prejudice" because he'll be a'wearin' them daily.

We'll also be dressing Melissa's little boys in these:

Our accessories need to be extra fancy, so in addition to our Tiffany class rings, I'm going to commission my friend Lori ( to make all our bling. We'll be so sparkly that people will need to wear sunglasses around us. Plus, we'll jingle a lot. (That's jingle, not jiggle.)

But that won't be quite enough, we'll also be checking out this website:

Did you SEE the rhinestone bra? And how about that halter dress??? Now THAT is some bling.

We've been asked to play Madison Square Garden for our first gig, but we're still in contract talks for now. We have some basic needs that will have be met, such as we'll each need our own personal Swedish masseur (male version of masseuse). We'll also be needing an all-expenses-paid shopping trip for our wardrobes. Also, a trip to a Hawaiian resort to rest up before the concert and then another trip after the concert to recover. I'm pretty sure that Melissa is going to want aromatherapy candles in her dressing room and I know I need lots of chocolate. Good quality stuff, not Hershey. We're also asking for a mobile Starbucks unit to be brought in, as we'll need enough caffeine so that we practically levitate as we come on stage. So our people are talking to their people, and we'll see what happens.

I think that about covers it for now. More to be posted soon!

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