Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Why I won't win "Mother of the Year" in 2007 -- or ever

Elegant is the Empress of Stalling when it comes to bedtime. She hates going to bed and looks for any reason to avoid it. If she had her way, she'd play until she actually dropped and then one of us would carry her limp sleeping body to bed. At it happens, we know our child pretty well and we know what her sleep needs are, so it's never a surprise to us that she's usually asleep within a few minutes of being tucked in. And we're pretty savvy about all Elegant's delaying tactics.

"Mommy, I'm thirsty. Can you bring me water?"

"Daddy, I have a boo boo and need a bandaid."

"Mommy, my [some random body part] hurts."

And so forth.

Last night was no exception and Pete and I ignored a five minute fake tantrum that was so obviously fake that we were practically stuffing pillows in our mouths to mask our snorts and giggles. When it finally became obvious to Elegant that we were not going to take pity on her sufferings, she switched tactics and tried fake humility with a little hypochondria thrown in.

Elegant, "Mommy, my foot itches."

Jen, "Then scratch the itch."

Elegant, "But it really, really itches."

Jen, "Well, I can just cut your foot off and make the itching stop."

[Stunned silence as Elegant processes this thought.]

Elegant, "But then I wouldn't be able to walk."

Pete, "We could give you a crutch to help you walk."

Elegant, "But it might hurt and I might bleed and die."

Jen, "So perhaps you should just scratch your itch and go to sleep."

Elegant, whining and getting a bit indignant that we're not taking her seriously, "But. My. Foot. Itches!"

Graceful, piping in from her room next door, "Just scratch your itch!"

Jen, "Really El, I'm perfectly happy to just remove your foot so that it won't bother you."

Elegant, a bit quieter and sounding sleepy, "Nooooo, I'll just scratch it."

Graceful, a little more quietly, "Good one Mommy."

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