Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Who the hell is Bob?

Because I'm feeling a bit testy, but also because I'm rather picky about grammar, spelling, and general language usage, I have a few things to rant about:

Learn how to use pronouns correctly. For example, saying, "Bob gave flowers to Susan and I" is wrong. It should be, "Bob gave flowers to Susan and me, that cheating son of a bitch." Think of it like this: You'd never say, "Bob gave flowers to I." Well, if you did, you'd be an idiot.

Learn the difference between the words 'flaunt' and 'flout.' 'Flaunt' means to show off or display in an ostentatious manner, such as "That bitch Susan flaunted the flowers Bob sent her." 'Flout' means to ignore or treat with contemptuous disregard, such as "Bob flouted the rules of dating when he sent flowers to both that whore Susan and me. I'm going to kill the lying sack of shit."

To make a word plural, add just an S, not 'S. For example, it would be incorrect to email Bob the following, "I'm so pissed you sent flower's to Susan. Fuck off and die! " Take the high road and keep your English correct. However you are morally justified to add as many f-bombs and other expletives you can think of. In fact, get creative in your insults. Just spell them correctly.

In the same vein, get your words right. "Your a bastard" is wrong; "You're a bastard" is right. 'Their' is a pronoun, as in "I'm going to key their cars." Use 'they're' as a contraction of 'they are' such as "They're right to be worried about what I'll do." In general, if there are two words that sound alike but are spelled differently -- such as my use of vein above -- make sure you use the correct one. Dictionaries are handy in this regard. Another example, "effect" and "affect." One is a noun and one is a verb. Get it right.

Well, I think that about covers it, except: Who the hell are Bob and Susan?


Laura said...

You made me laugh so hard I cried. Me cried. Cryed. I r crying.

Love, Laura

Martha said...

Oh my gosh.

I know I'm a year late, here, but you CRACK ME UP!!!

I just found you're blog (just kidding!) and I'm workin' the archives.